Power of Heels

I love heels.  

They make my legs look long. They make my butt look better. They make me feel sexy.

They are not for pushing a stroller or chasing fast boys.

I wear them anyway.

Dear Laundry:

Dear Laundry:

You and i will never be friends.

~Jill

Scenes from my heaven

My boys, my children, my gifts from God Himself.


See what i mean

Messing with Camera

So i usually delete all pictures i take of myself on my camera. I am always dissatisfied. Even though i feel this way i am purposely not giving in and i am posting these. (i also think this blog is a good way to have free online picture backup).


I was curious which smile looked best: with or without teeth. My toothy smile wins out.

Thank you Aunt Tanna for this wonderful blanket!! I also love that the boys are holding hands for this picture. I love my life!!!!!

Caleb's Birthday (back in may)

I decided to make individual cakes this year instead of one giant cake. Caleb got to decorate his and his dads cake. I did my own. I am looking forward to this. It turned out better than i thought.



I did this over caleb's bedroom door while he was sleeping. when he woke up he got the surprise and had a blast running through his streamers.

More streamers at the end of the hall.
Happy Birthday to my caleb.

Lack of Pictures

So my camera is a piece of crap. It runs on two AA batteries and if it is on for more than five minutes it dies (so it seems). If i take a picture of someone who is breathing it comes out fuzzy and it refuses to take a picture in low light. UGH!! I wanted to find a cute picture to have for this post however i don't have any. So i will begin dreaming and conniving ways to find money to spend on a camera.

Last weekend we hiked doughnut falls. Caleb hiked up and down-all by himself. It was fabulous. Colton was happy as ever in my little front papoose. It think i want to go again this weekend. Eventually we will get pictures of our little events and life will be documented better.

I have discovered that i love babies. I never did before. Sad huh? :)

I also want to sew...(yes that actually came out of my metaphoric mouth) create, decorate and make cutsie stuff. Wherever this all came from, i don't know but i am determined to embrace it. It may be a passing fancy but i am sure i will benefit from it.

love to all

National Center for Constitutional Studies

Dear Friends:

I have been doing a lot of studying of our countries history of late. I have been inspired by John and Abigail Adams, more informed about FDR and am coming to understand more about the original role of religion in our country. Because of what i have learned, I want to host a seminar from the National Center for Constitutional Studies. This is one of the best ways i can think of to share the excitement, knowledge and awe i am experiencing.

It would end up costing $5-10 a person depending on how many people decide to come and likely be on a saturday. The title of the seminar is "The Making of America" and is presented in two parts:

"Developing America's Great Success Formula- 8:30am-12:00pm
This is the exciting exploration which Jefferson, Adams, Franklin,
Washington and others made in order to rediscover the key to the creation of
the first free nation in modern times. We trace their adventure from 1400 B.C.
to A.D. 1787.

Lunch Break- 12:00-12:45pm

The Perfect Plan of Liberty- 12:45pm-4:30pm
A refreshing look at the solid political and economic principles from the
preamble through the amendments to the Constitution. You learn perhaps for
the first time, how nearly every problem in America today can be solved by
restoring these successful concepts."

Here is a link to the study guide

If you have read or heard of The 5000 year leap then you are familiar with Dr. Cleon Skousen who founded the National Center for Constitutional Studies. I have long misunderstood my own countries foundation and now that i am discovering it, i want to share what i am learning. I would like to do this after the summer is over. I figure most people wouldn't be able to come in the summer.

Before i call and schedule i want to ask does this sound interesting? Would you want to come? Do you know anyone else who might be interested?

Pictures from J's wedding

I thought this was funny in its opposites. I'm posing and rob is wrestling caleb. Will this kid ever slow down...even a little?
Blinded but K looks cute!
This was totally unsolicited. Keeley started holding onto aunt J's dress and of course K couldn't be left behind.
Father and Son
Happy Colton.
Cute K!
Brothers--blinded and somewhat awkard looking
Happy Family
I think i look fat in this pic but colton was just turning three months old. Aren't we our worst critics? Regardless i am honored be a mother and a wife. Somehow i feel like i have found my calling and my joy is so full with colton and caleb in my life. Rob and i have always been happy together but life is just so much more with kids.

Little Ducky

So i got this outfit when caleb was born and i determined to take pictures of all my kids in it just because it is hilarious!


















Ducky Outfit
Caleb about 5 weeks old






















Ducky outfit
Colton 8 weeks old



These are my boys.

Photo Update

Heading outside to shovel snow
















Hard to believe he was born two months ago at 5.5






















Please note the jeans. We are beginning our foray into caleb dressing himself. He certainly tries hard!















Cheeeeeseeeee




















He loves his swing!

















This is my dish crew. They keep the dishes clean and motivate me to continue cooking for them. They do an awesome job!!!

Colton Matthew Hakes

I went into mild labor on February 8 at night. We managed to slow it down enough for me to sleep and the next morning the contractions kicked in. I went into the doc and after throughly checking me out and doing a fetal stress test my doctor told me we needed to deliver that day. I felt pretty dazed. I left the office and called rob to come get me. He and my sick caleb drove me down b/c the contractions were to intense for me to drive. Robs phone went straight to voicemail-twice. I called my mom and it went to voicemail. I started to cry-of course. I felt so helpless! I got in touch with my mom who helped calm me down and then i called robs work to have Dan radio him-he has nextel with direct connect for work. Of course Dan wasn't their and i end up crying on the phone and freaking everyone out. Finally, we (two other people at his work helped out) get a hold of rob, who was 2 blocks up the street-literally. Let me just say i HATE nextel!
He felt so bad. He had been staring at his phone waiting for me to call and here i am crying standing in a parking lot waiting to have a baby and my husband up the street waiting to hear the news from me. It was so dramatic for me...funny now-we could make a killer commercial with that idea!
So we ran home and met my mom who took caleb for us and packed bags and went back downtown for our baby to be born. It was really weird-surreal. I ended up having to wait for a while for the whole shootin match to get going and some of the contractions were strong-unfortunately after half a day in labor, my body had done nothing in the way of birth preparation.
So, into the OR and away we went. Rob and i didn't like the OR. It was cold, lots of steel and a little freaky. I tried hard not to think about what was going to happen to me. The spinal block felt cool at first then as it hit my upper rib cage, i tried not to panic as i focused on the fact that i could breathe, even if i couldn't feel it. Thankfully the anesthesiologist had warned me.

And out he came-my precious, teeny, tiny baby. Colton was 5 lbs 5 oz 18.5 inches long. He was in the special needs nursery the whole time and by sunday i thought i was going to die if we didn't get home. Hormonal mommy=dramatic mommy
we are home now and are working on healing. ROb's bout wtih the flu was gone enough for him to be at the hospital, but caleb started his bout the day i went into labor so he was with grandma sota the whole time i was in the hospital. Now he is finishing out his sickness and it hanging with grandma hakes and we are forever grateful for the help from our families!! Here are some phone pics for your viewing pleasure.

You Tell Me

Comparison Photographs:

--> 8 months
pregnant with
baby 1



<--
33 weeks
pregnant with
Baby 2

Only One

This is me 38 weeks pregnant with caleb. I feel like i look this way right now, but i'd need outside verification for authenticity. We are our own worst critics...are we not?

let me give you a preface to what you are about to read. These thoughts originated sunday. it was a day of children--i teach sunbeams (~10 kids, 3 yrs old) and the 4-5 yr olds. My partner and i are filling in for the sunbeams. Caleb is 2 1/2, rambunctious and adorable. I am 33 weeks pregnant. These facts do not add up to a particularly spiritual sunday.

I taught a lesson about how our bodies are special and essential to our progression in this life. Last night as i sat in my bath, staring at my bulging belly watching it shift and move around from colton doing whatever it is babies do in-utero i had a thought:
Only One Body
we only get one body...and i am making coltons, well my body is making it.
Pregnancy is Sacred!
Sure, its difficult! It hurts in weird ways. My sides frequently feel like they might split open, i have contractions that take my breath away (literally), my feet hurt-ache and the tingling sensation in my hands from swelling sorta freaks me out.

Despite all this, how many times do we give life...like this? All we, as women, ever discuss is the negative and discomforts and difficulty-perhaps because they are so all-consuming and seemingly everlasting...

but

it is special. Once-in-a-lifetime (or however many kids you have) special. I mean look at your kids. Watch them breathe--you did that. You, me, our mothers...we made that. Sure, it isn't a conscious making, but the two years of giving up ourselves to share our bodies with a beautiful and miraculous little parasite (think science people!)...we are amazing. Our bodies are amazing. How anyone can think we evolved from an ameoba clearly has no sense of the wonder in the mirror.

1 corinthians 3:16
Know ye not that ye are the ^atemple of God, and that the ^bSpirit of God dwelleth ^cin you?

I struggle to breathe. I can't be active because i get contractions so bad. My legs look like cottage cheese-something i don't think i have ever seen to this extent on my own body. I am planning on a c-section and for the pros it offers, i dont love the major surgery part. I envy women who get to walk around and pick up their babies right after the birth. I also have a very hard time getting pregnant and both of these boys are miracles in my book.

yet i think of the scripture above and i wonder how many more times do i get to do this: create another life, truly blossom as a woman, relish (okay okay and fear) the prospect of the future life inside me?

I am well aware of the cliche nature of this post. I know we all hear "seize the day" and "appreciate who you are" and whatever else that makes us all feel better about ourselves. But i tell you what: sitting their, watching my gargantuan belly and poking-out-belly-button shift around to the rhythm of my unborn son, grunting when he has an overly-well-placed kick; this epiphany hit hard and hit home. What i am doing matters. It isn't just some negative experience meant to bring misery to women-kind. We have the agency, the opportunity to choose how to deal with these struggles.

Do my legs still gross me out? yes. Am i petrified that i will never have flat abs ever again? oh, yes. Do i fear what the intense and overwhelming first year will bring emotionally? Oh, hell yes!

but i watch caleb run around and discover new things and smile and none of it matters. I'd die for that little one and i'd die for this unborn son. My vanity, ego and pride need to be shelved anyway.
This challenge and honor is an opportunity to rise above the base human and search for the divine within.

An update

I do not have a whole lot to say however i realized it has been a very long time since i last blogged so i thought i'd update--sans photos. Sadly, photo taking is not my forte (could be my camera is a piece of crap :))

I did a thanks-book for thanksgiving. Every day in november i texted my in-laws (who we were spending thanksgiving with) and asked what they were thankful for. Everyone answered as often as they wanted, disclosing as much as they wanted and their were no obligations. Rob, and I and Caleb did it daily. Caleb was always grateful for Jesus and crackers. It was so nice to make an effort to focus on thanks-giving--literally. The focus on all we have was refreshing. I was actually sad to have it end. I put all the answers in a scrap book and took it to Thanksgiving Dinner. It was so much more than i anticipated.

Our december was pretty calm. I am not one to enjoy being busy. I ended up having a lot of contractions so i hunkered in and took it easy. My cousin had her baby at 32 weeks and all of us have had her family in our thoughts and prayers. Thus my family has been very concerned about all my contractions. After a bunch of tests we determined i am a spazy-freak (i was contracting every 20 seconds during the non-stress test. I couldn't feel most of them but every now and then they are pretty strong) but the baby is happy, healthy and thriving--and i was not at risk for preterm labor. Can't ask for much more than that!!

Christmas was wonderful, caleb got spoiled and so did i. We spent so much time with families, Rob got to go snowboarding on christmas eve-minnesota family tradition. Unfortunately i was not able to participate so my mom and sister-in-law stayed home too and we made christmas dinner. It was lovely and enjoyable. Caleb was pretty good too. Rob got 200 tulip bulbs for christmas and true-to-form rob was outside planting them two days before christmas. Caleb was outside for the whole process--dressed as warm as he could be and a pink nose to boot. But he was in heaven, our little boy LOVES working outside with daddy!

I have discovered essential oils and bought some through a friend. I have fallen in love! And even though rob is so much more hesitant (scientific really) to fall in love-he really likes them as well. I feel so empowered.

I had to do the 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I tell you what--it was easily the most awful thing ever! I can totally understand why pregnant women are not asked to fast! After 18 hours of not eating (other than the nasty glucose crap) i felt like i had been hit by a bus. I was thrown off for two days...i felt pathetic.

We are all looking forward to the arrival of our next bundle. I vacillate between being petrified of having him out of me and dying of discomfort. Caleb is pretty excited. He got a new cousin just before thanksgiving and since then he has been very aware of babies and making sure mom and baby brother are ok. Any time i make a noise of discomfort Caleb is quick to ask "mom ok?" So endearing!