I am a Mother

We spent time this afternoon playing outside in the dirt, eating popsicles, talking to friends and family, riding scooter and enjoying the perpetual summer. while i can't wait for my favorite season to really begin this warmth is wonderful.

Yesterday colton spent time investigating this shoe. It was hilarious to me-he just kept staring, touching and turning it over and over. Caleb never did this (as far as i can remember) so it completely surprises me when i seem Colton patiently do something. Isn't he perfect?!

This is during Caleb's popsicle party (outside eating popsicles). We have had them almost every day this summer. I think we have gone through at least three boxes of otter pops.  

Today my boys couldn't get enough of me. Colton wanted nothing more than to be in my arms and Caleb was attached to my hip. 

It was heavenly. 

This is Caleb's 'cheese' face. 

At the craft store today he listened, stayed by me and was so good! I realized i never thought the day would come i wouldn't have to confine him to a stroller or cart for fear he would demolish everything in his path.

And it came. 

Today.

It felt like a slap (maybe a well-placed punch) upside the head. 

WHAM your firstborn is growing up

WHAM you are growing up

WHAM--"make sure you remember this Jill"

 Colton and I cuddled while i fed him and i cherished every moment.He then relaxed in my arms before i put him to bed tonight.

Caleb fell asleep curled into my body with one arm around me. Instead of taking him to bed i let him sleep with me for a few minutes and savored how his little body felt next to mine. It reminded me of when he was an newborn and used to sleep so soundly on my chest. 

When Rob came to put him to bed he didn't want to let go of me.

I smiled. 

ps

I need your advice: I can't figure out how to put my pictures side by side rather than having them cascade vertically down my post. I have a pc--don't know if that makes a difference. Thanks!!

Women's Conference

Twice a year our church has a conference where we receive instruction from our Prophet and his apostles. Once a year their is a Women's Conference where the women of the church receive instruction unique to their responsibilities in the church. Usually this i participate in this meeting from the confort of my couch watching a rebroadcast or by reading the printed word later. This time around my beloved mother got us tickets and we went and participated. The music was inspiring as were the messages.

Mom, it was a wonderful evening. Thank you!
Yes folks, this is my beautiful mother!

R & R

I sent caleb to our neighborhood preschool fieldtrip with Tiff (thank you!!) so colton could sleep. It was so quiet i didn't know what to do. It was weird. Nobody yelling "MOM" at the top of their lungs (even though i told him i was going to the bathroom). Nobody yelling "MOM more George" (curious george). Nobody yelling "MOM" just to see where i was.

This morning...i had quiet. 

In my head, i frequently hear "take some time to yourself" or "you need a break" "you deserve time away from your kids...look at all you deal with" These are the moments where my heart doesn't seem to have enough room for all the love, compassion, kindness, patience and ...goodness that are required of me as a mother (the kind of mother i want to be). In these moments i can feel my heart expanding, tearing really. But the hugs, kisses, and quiet moments with my little men on my lap--these heal, enlarge and change my heart.

But this morning, i gave in to the call to "take time for myself."

It was nice. I had a long mental list of all the things i could do but instead i sat down in my favorite comfy reading chair and stared out the window.   I read blogs.    I cuddled colton when he eventually woke up. Toys are still strewn about. My bed needs to be made. But i have peace in my heart and that my friends is the thing to fight for.

Hello to peace

I live in a microcosm.
I have my beloved other half. My first son and my second son. a dog. I have parents and siblings.
This is what i consider my world. This is where i focus my efforts. Sometimes my efforts are pitiful (lazy days). Other days (like saturday) i am superwoman (6 loaves bread, 4 loaves banana bread, batch spaghetti sauce, fresh peach pie, 3 football games). 

In terms of an outsider looking in, i don't make a very big difference in society in general. I am probably viewed by some as a woman who has no opportunity and who is sentenced to a life of drudgery. To these people i say the following:

I am happy. I desire this life-since i was 17 years old.

You may say i am deluded, i had no choioce, some mumbojumbo about religious expectation, culture, or any number of socioeconomic excuses.


I want the life i have. I have carefully cultivated what i have and willingly sacrifice myself for the good and benefit those around me.
I write this because i feel like i have to justify my choices to a nameless, faceless someone pointing a finger at another underprivileged housewife.  Silly and stupid, i know.
so farewell to weird guilt.
hello to peace.

Power of Heels

I love heels.  

They make my legs look long. They make my butt look better. They make me feel sexy.

They are not for pushing a stroller or chasing fast boys.

I wear them anyway.

Messing with Camera

So i usually delete all pictures i take of myself on my camera. I am always dissatisfied. Even though i feel this way i am purposely not giving in and i am posting these. (i also think this blog is a good way to have free online picture backup).


I was curious which smile looked best: with or without teeth. My toothy smile wins out.