Thursday, December 20, 2012

remember when?

Remember when you were in college and anxious about finals, boys, money and boys?
wearing cute clothes that didn't get gross by watching a movie
having time to put on cute makeup
playing with friends without massive upheaval of schedules, finding babysitters, hearing whining....
life was so much easier then!
unexpectedly though, not better

 This morning, following the millionth demand of me, my time and attention in the three hours we have been awake
 i lost it. 
only in my head though which is a massive accomplishment in my world.
the boys are being pills and i don't know how i will survive the winter. 
but i will ; i know i will 

thats how. 
instead of yelling at my kids i have taken to praying and pouring my heart out desperately to God. 
i believe my Father in Heaven hears and cares about my pleas
instead of spanking (or threatening to spank) with wooden spoons i breathe deeply. 
trust me, my inner warrior-goddess is fighting me every step of the way to act to stop the infractions on my persona as a mother, woman and person. 
However this calling of motherhood isn't about me. 
its about them.

wifehood about him

This is why i fight myself, my less-than stellar qualities and bad habits

because i can be more.
i am more! 
Love can conquer all

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