helping my physically capable but mentally frightened four-year-old for the past 6 weeks has been in a word:
brutal
i was hiding in my bathroom when i heard caleb screaming for me to come take him to the potty.
for the bajillionth time.
i sighed, shushing my irritation and went to take care of him--even though he can do it himself.
as i was walking out, i looked in the mirror and thought to myself "i have survived a month of this. i must be superwoman."
winter is taking its toll on me.
between the cold, complete lack of sunshine and being cooped up in my house, i am ready to implode or explode...whatever..some kind of combustion.
i has hit me that my lack of peace and source of frustration is my expectations:
i think i need caleb to go to the potty alone but i reality, i can handle helping him. i just have to submit my stubbornness.
i think i need sunshine, but i can find other sources of rejuvenation. i just have to look harder.
i think i need a clean house but i can cope with just a clean grown-up bedroom.
i think i need colt to not scream like he has his leg sawed off because caleb took his toy but i can cope with it. i can tune out the sounds.
i think i need tranquility to deal with my inner irritations but i can learn to squash them on my own.
in short, what i think i need and what i actually need at two different things.
when i let go of what i think i need
i can find the joy and rejuvenation i need.
That said:
For the briefest moment he had his cast off today.
instead of the black, removable walking boot i was hoping for, he got a shorter hard cast. (pics later)
his bones are healing well and he will be able to walk in this cast.
when he is ready.
today, in his mind, his leg is re-broken and is terrified to do anything.
we have taken a significant step backwards...
i am hoping it is a short lived thing.
a very short lived thing.
i am sure it will be.
he will be running around in no time and i will long for the days when things stayed clean because he was stuck on the couch.
in the meantime, i will work to change my mindset.
lets face it, all of our problems are within our power to deal with more effectively.
so, just like the little engine that could, i will chant to myself
"i think i can; i think i can"
eventually i will.
when i was pregnant with my second child my husbands family watched the movie The Nativity Story directed by Catherine Hardwicke. i was nervous, i am pretty careful what sources i watch representing anything about our Lord and Saviors story. But the movie was surprisingly beautiful.
i enjoy history and this movie encouraged me to look into jewish customs. According to http://www.lds.org/pa/display/0,17884,7244-1,00.html “Betrothal was similar to engagement as we now know it, but it was much more binding. Once betrothed a couple was considered legally married, even though the marriage was not yet consummated.”
This historical fact has led me to understand Mary and Joseph in a completely different light. Rather than just envisioning them as super-righteous, almost perfect people who did as they were told and drifted into parenthood of The Perfect Person i realized they were people of strength.
Heavenly Father asked them to do something extremely hard. They had to wade through judgement from all their friends and family. I equate it like this: it is likely they lived in a town where everyone knew everyone. Everyone had traits, life-signatures if you will, to live up to; just like us. Mary was a beautiful, pure virgin in the eyes of the Lord, think of what she was like in the eyes of her peers! And Heavenly Father asked her to have a baby out of wedlock. i do not know how long from when she got pregnant to when she and joseph actually got married nor when she started showing. In our recent cultural heritage it was a scandal. then…no wonder joseph almost divorced mary; thinking she had been with another man.
i have come to view Mary as a woman of great personal strength. An example of malleable womanhood and meekness. But also as a person willing to do whatever God asked of her no matter the cost.
Thomas S Monson suggests to live greately we must have a vision of who we are and what we can become. I find as i have gratitude for who i am, what i am given and God’s plan for me it easier for me to be thrilled for others who receive things i want. As we look for and find in others their strengths we are protected from jealously. Not only can we live greatly as we gain a vision of who we are and what we can become but we live greatly when we see in others what they can become and love them as such.